Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
