its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
