I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
