You smell like stripper and shame
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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