alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
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Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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