I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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