I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
