i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
