Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.