I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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