It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
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So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
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BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?