note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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