So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
