I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
