Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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