He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
In America we eat man semen.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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