my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
