Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
