im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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