I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
