Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
