why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
