Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
