It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
