There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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