tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
