Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
