Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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