i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
