Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
