the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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