That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
