Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize