is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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