We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
