so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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