I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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