It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
