I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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