smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
