You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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