tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
