Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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