Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
