I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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