this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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