girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
