dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
