I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
