I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
