no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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