I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
