Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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