So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
