there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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