i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
