i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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