Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
