I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
