in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
