i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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