My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
