ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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