dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
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He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
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He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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