So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
