I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
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