i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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