She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
