Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
