soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
