So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
