You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
