Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
