what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
