quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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