Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
