We won't sleep together?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
