I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
