I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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