He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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