Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
