This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
