you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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