Your face is a jimmy john
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
