I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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