I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
